Friday, June 18, 2010

You can get cherries all year long. It is time for them to be picked!

I can’t stand a woman who holds on to her vagina like it is a sacred piece of artwork. I can’t stand a guy who wants to be in a serious relationship before he gets his taint licked. You don’t have to go on twelve dates before you give it up, just fuck them already!

Like I always say, it isn’t 1952 for Christ’s sake. Man up already and take control of your sexuality. Fucking on the first date isn’t a crime. What is the worst that is going to happen? You find out they have a small penis and leave? You find out she smells like a foul tampon? Great! Then you don’t need to do it again, get the fuck out and go meet somebody else.

Sex, next to respect and trust, is the most important thing in any relationship. If you wait too fucking long to find out your date is a fucking snore in the sack…you are setting yourself up for failure. Chemistry is important, but if she has some nasty meat curtains…that chemistry goes right down the tube.

I fuck on the first date if I want to and there is nothing wrong with it. A lot of people believe that if you want to be in a relationship, be respected, or get a second date, you shouldn’t have sex on the first date. That is horseshit. If you are lousy in bed or give a hand job instead of a blowjob, you are not going to get a second date anyway.

I think people who are going on dates in search of getting fucking married or to get in a serious relationship are psycho. People can smell desperation all over your vagina when you go on a date with a wedding or pregnancy on your mind. Everybody should be going on dates in order to get laid. If you focus on that, you will more than likely get laid, and get a second date.

When is the right date to have sex? What does somebody need to do in order to earn your fucking love juice? If you don’t have that hot chemistry on the first date, you never will. Do you need to meet your newfound love’s parents before you get porked? If he is paying for dinner, which these days is a shocker, you should let him give you the shocker.

A lot of my friends say they don’t want to be looked at as a slut by fucking on the first date, and I say, it isn’t 1952. If a chick waits more than three dates to have sex or at least blow you, I think she is a waste of your fucking time, and is looking for an engagement ring. Run! If a guy waits more than one date for sex, he is either a bible beater or has a seriously small cock. Don't give him a second date if he doesn't try!

My point is that dating shouldn’t be so serious. Dating should be fun, carefree, and about what is really important…rubbing warm wet body parts together. Nobody will ask you on a date because they they think you would be a good parent someday, it's because they sexually attracted to you. A good date should be full of sexual tension, good vodka, laughter, and a good roll in the hay. If you are good at what you do, then you will get a second date. If you are a fucking dud…that is why you don’t get a second date, not because you had sex with them.

Every day is full of selling yourself and getting yourself off. You sell yourself at work so you don’t get fired in this fucked up economy. You sell yourself when you want a little extra cheese on your pizza. You sell yourself when you want to get somebody’s phone number. Sell yourself when you are on a date, and have fun. Don’t put restrictions on a relationship you don’t even have yet. When you start making rules before you have even seen who is on the menu, you are a fucking dud and you deserve to be lonely and unsatisfied.

Ease up on the reigns and even let the horse tie you up with them. Just maybe, if you’re lucky, your date will have three friends come out of the closet and they all will have their way with you.

So get out there and focus on getting laid. If do want a relationship, it will come when you least expect it. When you are looking for something to happen that is when it never comes. Regret feels like shit, especially when you are stuck with a lousy lay.

I am going out tonight to emotionally abusive anybody who hasn't been laid within the last few months. Be very scared if that is you...I WILL find you!