Friday, December 10, 2010

Some men are about as smooth as a razor blade...

Within the past few years I have come to the conclusion that most men these days have completely lost their balls. What happened to a guy trying to get laid by flirting with you in person instead of sending text messages? Fuck your text messages you cock sucker! I am not sending you a “pic” so you can jerk off to it. I will fuck your face if you can actually be man enough to say you want to see me in person.

My definition of a real man is one that works hard. Works hard in his job, works hard on his social life, and most of all…works hard on getting fucked. A man shouldn’t get paid at his job for sitting around sticking his thumb up his ass should he? Then why is it socially acceptable for a grown ass man to just assume a bitch is going to fuck him without even asking to see her?

Do some men really think any acceptable female will swoon when he asks HER to buy HIM a drink? Are you fucking serious? You think I am going to literally suck your nuts because I bought YOU a drink? Yes, this has honestly happened to me. I had a dude text me and ask when am I going to ask HIM out and when am I going to buy HIM a drink? Needless to say, he hasn’t seen my tits.

Let me be isn’t the purchasing of a drink that is the problem. I have bought many rounds of beers for tables full of hot guys, I have always offered to go dutch at all my dates, I have bought drinks for girls with great tits, and I have also exchanged whiskey for oral sex. Most women these days can buy their own fucking shit. We want to be treated like a lady and not a fucking whore. Women want to be treated like a whore while you are fucking her, not while you are trying to fuck her.

If you want to get laid, you have to do the legwork you fucking pussy.

1. Talk to us or call us…don’t fucking send text messages like Brett Favre.
2. Getting us face to face is half the battle. Make sure you nail down a time and a place. Be the one to ask to see her…If you want to fuck us, you need to ask us.
3. Be persistent. Persistency pays off with a hot sex, or anal if you are lucky.
4. Be a gentleman even if you are a fucking douche bag deep down inside. Offer to buy a drink, open the door, or light her goddamn cigarette…a little goes a long way.
5. Don’t play games. Most women I know like unattached sex. If all you want is to fuck, say so! Women appreciate honesty, it turns us on.

Recap: Don’t ever fucking ask a chick when she is going to take your fucking sorry ass out. Not only will you never get pussy, but you will get a bad reputation real fast…woman talk. Trust me. Ask her out, then split the bill. Don’t be a fucking child.

Now I am going to go buy myself a drink and maybe the woman sitting next to me. I can only assume I will get lucky.