The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly Relationship.

If all your friends think your boyfriend is a fucking douche bag...chances are, he's a fucking douche bag.

Have you had a friend, or maybe you’ve reached a state of emotional maturity where you can look back on your own life, and say, "I was living in fucking La La Land"? Well, I have personally been there, and I currently witness it daily. Why do women dream up that their douche bag BF is perfect for them?

Are you so worried about being alone that your "single goggles” turn the tool in the BMW and Ed Hardy shirt into Mr. Right? Then your girlfriends are like, “That guy’s a piece of shit,” and you spend the rest of your relationship being obsessed with making your friends like your lame boyfriend? Hello...open your eyes!


UGH! There’s nothing more annoying than when your obsessing friend brings her douche bag around, especially when IT wasn't invited! I mean it takes time to prep yourself to be forced to sit next to this guy, and then the whole time your friend has hearts shooting out of her eyes. GAG ME!

Sometimes the smartest, wisest chick you know ends up in this challenging position.

Why do women feel the need to be treated like shit?

I divide these kinds of females into two types of bitches: The Desperate and The Social Hierarchy. Now not all women are in these categories, but any woman can fall in at anytime during her life. If you are in…you CAN get out. But in order to get out you must be able to recognize the symptoms. Let’s dissect the first specimen.

The Desperate:

This woman believes that there really is "the one." She believes that someday a man on a fucking white stallion will swoop into town and grab her up in his arms and make her the hap-hap-happiest girl in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD(…of fucking Disney). This chick dreams about a big fucking wedding, the white picket fence, turkey and babies in the oven. She thinks that having these things really means you made it in life.

She also has the WORST time breaking up with somebody because she second guesses herself. "Maybe he was supposed to be the one and I fucked it up?"

Sister, if he was the fucking one, he wouldn't have cheated on you, or mentally or physically abused you in public! (Or in private without the use of a safe word.)

Give me a fucking break!

This is the friend that always lingers on these break-ups like a fucking World War. You know, the chick you are telling the same fucking advice over and over again, and she doesn't listen to you! She continues to get sucked in to the same lame bullshit. What she doesn't understand is: He likes having this control over you...breaking up and then winning you back. DUH...it is great for his ego! HE WILL NEVER EVER EVER change, no matter how much therapy he gets!

This is the friend that truly is wonderful and beautiful on the inside and out. This chick is one of those friends that just loves everybody more than herself. She is so great and innocent, that this douche bag was able to suck her into his drama. Worse, she feels like she needs to make HIM happy...like she does for everybody else.

What makes her desperate? She is so obsessed with making this fucker happy and the lame relationship work, that she will not only put herself through hell, but drag everybody around her into hell as well. She really has become dumb as fuck. As much as you love her, and as smart as she really is...she is now dumb as fuck. On top of that, her douchy boyfriend has to hang around, and it is so annoying!

Word of advice to the friends of the Desperate: She won't listen to you. She will ask you for advice over and over again, which you will give her, but she won't listen. Keep giving her the same advice in the same form. Consistency matters. Be frank and honest with her. Eventually she will stop asking you for advice. WHY? Because she doesn't want to hear your honesty...and that is when the Desperate should realize she is fucked. At that point, send her the link to this blog.

If you get to a point that you are breaking your neck to make your friends like your dick-fucker man, or you have stop asking for honest advice from the people you love and trust...you are now a Desperate.


The Social Hierarchy:

Whore, Gold-digger, Snob, Freak, Jock, Drunk, Nerd...there are many different names for this chick. She can have many personalities and they are all different. The one thing that makes women The Social Hierarchy is they only date within their circle of social acceptance. This is in order to save face and maintain, or build, their perceived social value.

This could be a chick who is a dark metal head who swears that Slayer is the best band in the world and would beat the shit out of any dude wearing skinny jeans. Or this could be a chick that spray tans once a week, wears more jewelry than your Grandma, spends way beyond her means, and drives that Lexus she cannot afford. Regardless, the way this woman appears is the most important thing to her. She really doesn't know who she is anymore or what really makes her happy.

Again...this happens to the greatest women we know.

The Social Hierarchy is more concerned with what people think of her dating life, than her actual relationships. It doesn't matter how big a fucking DICK a dude is...or that he fucking flirts with other bitches right in front of her face, he fits her social mold! It often starts out innocent, because obviously this gal will be initially attracted to the type she normally dates, but what makes it fucked up is when she stays with him when she shouldn’t. The Social Hierarchy chick is so concerned about building her social profile she uses her dating life as leverage and proof of her value in her social circle. This woman will continue to stay in shitty relationships and date the same fucking assholes because it makes her look good to the people in her social circle.

JUST BECAUSE he drives a nice car, has a nice house, and wears fucking Armani, doesn't mean he knows how to eat pussy! More likely his entitled chauvinist attitude will go to work right away on the task of breaking you down emotionally!

JUST BECAUSE he likes the same music, can mosh with the best of them, and plays a fucking guitar, DOESN'T mean he isn't going to cry during sex and then fuck your best friend!

JUST BECAUSE he likes Avatar, knows how to imitate Captian Kirk, and thinks DDR is exercise...doesn't mean he has a BIG COCK and will treat you like a lady!

If you know a “The Desperate” or “The Social Hierarchy” that is in a bad situation, the only advice I can give you is what I do myself...Listen. Consistently give them the same advice, be literal, and remind them to be realistic! There is no magic solution here. These women need to learn the hard way, like all of us have. Only the lucky ones learn from their mistakes or begin to take advice from the people they love.

My advice to "The Desperate" and "The Social Hierarchy": Listen to what your friends and loved ones say and always put yourself in their shoes. Would you want your sister, or best friend being treated the way you are being treated? Also, just because your friends and family are being honest with you about their worries, don't shut them out of your life and begin spending your life only with him! That alone is the single most terrible thing you could do to yourself. AND ANOTHER THING....STOP inviting that fucking asshole out for ladies night. It is called LADIES NIGHT for a reason! Fuck girl!

And if he does show up, ladies be careful and don't drink too much. You may just end up hitting or publicly insulting him. Whoopsie! That's not the best way to handle it...TRUST ME!

GOD did fucking Dr. Phil write this? SHIT! I need a the shot of Whiskey! Go find your own.

And would you take the edge off already! Your chastity is really bothering me.

Thanks again to L.S. and C.M. for helping me with my terrible grammar.

A no HO'S barred discussion.

Bitches are crazy.

Including myself...

For example...

My friends say that I over use the word, CUNT. They are wrong. I don't use the word CUNT too often; I just happen to run into a lot of CUNTS! I have a lot of cool friends who somehow get themselves wrapped up into CUNT drama. Which inspired me to write about CRAZY bitches! So babygirls...CUNT CUNT CUNT. How do you like me now?

If you are one of my sensitive, ovary-hoarding blog readers, stop now and save yourself the waterworks. I don't have time for you.

I am so sick of rolling my eyes at happy hour when bitches dream shit up in their heads about their fucking love lives. He is most likely fucking somebody else. Feeling the need to read his text messages and emails should be your first hint. Duh. You don't trust him for a reason. This on the other hand, makes you a crazy bitch, no matter WHO you are!

When you begin investigating your dates, you have a fucking problem. Sorry to say it, but at THAT point the problem is YOU.

I AM your friend that will say, "he's an asshole," and "you are way too good for him." That is what I am supposed say. BUT, what I want to say is, "you knew this when you began the relationship. What did you expect? Stop acting like a dumb CUNT!" AGAIN, this isn't Disney, your pussy isn't the Magic Kingdom!

Guys...Lesbians...and Bi-dabblers like myself, here is a little vocabulary to help identify crazy ass bitches.

The Penny Pinching Pussycat:

This dumb ass bitch hasn't paid for a goddamn thing in her life. She may have not come from money, but you better believe she wants money...honey. This is a girl that never pays for dinner, drinks, cover charges, drugs, or her fake tits. She has some how made it through life by putting her paycheck into savings. She is the one that goes to the bathroom when the bill comes, and the one that rarely puts out after you pay. This bitch sucks. I do think it is important for people to have manners and take care of a date. I believe the line is about 4 or 5 dates in. If she hasn't started to feel guilty about you spending hundreds of dollars on her...and she hasn't given you road head...time to fuck somebody else.

Baby Mama Wannabe:

RUN as FAST as POSSIBLE! Stop thinking about bustin' a nut for one second, and think about child support. There are MANY women who have not only given up on dating, they have decided that they will never find "the one." These chicks are out trollin for sperm. It is true. Be very careful of bitches with baby on the brain. They are fucking bad news and seriously psycho. All types of women want a baby, but not necessarily a relationship. BE VERY CAREFUL. They will not only take your sperm, but they will drain you of life and cash. These women in many cases are most likely very professional, beautiful women that you would never expect. ALWAYS pack your own Jimmy Hats...DUMB ASSES!

The Mini-You:

This crazy bitch really does have an outside life aside from you...in the beginning. You begin dating, you have sex, and the next thing you know, bitch is moving in. That was easy! This lady is very stealth...she comes across almost like a friend. She likes the same movies as you, likes the same sports, same beer, same sex positions, same NASCAR driver, same bars, same music, and even the same toilet paper. This bitch is a deep down stalker. Before you know it, she is friends with all of your friends and knows your parents better than you. Then, you soon realize the friends of hers you met early in the relationship are gone. This girl completely lives for you, and you only! She has literally deserted all her friends, family, and life for you. This is psychotic. Although there are some guys like that, they are called Mormons. She wants to make you love her so much, that she has forgotten who she is. I cannot tell you HOW MANY times I have seen this. THIS IS SCARY, and really hard to read. This scary shit happens right before your eyes, and you won't know what hit you. I have no other advice but to make sure you always have separate avenues and space. It is important to have a life together, but it should not always be about one person. If she exhibits these symptoms...RUN NOW!

The Stalker:

Have you ever started dating somebody and the next thing you know you're on a night out, and the girl you are dating is peering from a few booths away? "I don't have Ah gun...let alone many guns that would facilitate A rack." PSYCHO HOSE BEAST! "IF you aren't careful Wayne...you are going to lose me!" This chick doesn't look at your phone, she looks at your phone bill. This crazy bitch goes through the garbage in your car, and drives by your house when you are sleeping. This is the scariest bitch to break up with. Breaking up with her will involve not only ripping the wires out of your doorbell and watching her jump your fence, but also changing your cell phone number, and losing your roommates respect. They will pretend you are in a relationship even though you have only gone on two dates. This bitch literally thinks you are meant to be together and that you are the Sleepless in Portland. Tom Hanks is scared of her. RUN motherfucker RUN! I am sorry...sometimes it is too late. But your first warning is CRAZY EYES! If you can't see crazy eyes, then you are fucked. No pussy is THAT good for CRAZY EYES. Have fun...and always jimmy up.

The Bull:

When this bitch sees red....she goes crazy! Women LOVE to run shit, but when it comes to a point where she slaps you in the cock because you aren't doing something that she wants, RUN. This chick is destructive. She wants you to be in relationship jail or real jail so bad, you don't even know it! This is the bitch that punches herself in the face during a fight and blames it on you. It starts out with a push and a shove early on, then the next thing you know the cops are banging on your door. Guess who is going to jail? Not her! Better get ready to spend 36 hours in the cell before you can convince them she is a crazy ass ho. This shit happens more than you can imagine! My friend is a lesbian and had to deal with a crazy cunt like this. That's right two hot lesbians in a fight and one punches herself bloody and my innocent friend goes to jail. Crazy bitches are everywhere!

Miss Insecure:

The worst one of all! "What do you want to do?" "What do you think?" "Do you think I look okay tonight?" "Why haven't you said anything about my new bra I bought 6 months ago...you must think I have ugly boobs?" "We have been dating for two weeks and I haven't met your family...you must be ashamed of me!" If you hear this line: "you hate me don't you" before a relationship has even blossomed, RUN THE FUCK OUT THE DOOR! There is normal chick insecurity, and then there is Miss Insecure. These chicks normally will bore you to death or turn into the Mini-You. Insecurity is not hot. Sack up already! It is time to meet a real woman who doesn't NEED somebody. Next thing you know...Miss Insecure turns into "Ooops I missed my period," and you have a Baby-Mama on your hands. Always pack your own Jimmy Hats.

There are so many different women...this vocabulary lesson will need to continue another time.

This blog YES...was meant to scare you. You can fuck whomever you want, just be careful of the repercussions. I encourage casual sex and casual dating. I only encourage those things so people can find what they really like, and what eventually will make them happy. Just because you are pushing 30 or 40, doesn't mean its time to play house. Be ready on your own clock...not somebody else's.

It takes a crazy chick to know a crazy chick. Watch out...they are getting pregnant with your eyes and you don't even know it yet.

Now go take a shot of whiskey, and make sure to pack your own Jimmys. Magnums I hope! :)




Special thank you to my girl L.S. for helping me edit...she is a so hot, smart, and not a crazy hose beast! :)

Put some catnip in your pocket...

The pussy. How do you get it?

It is not as challenging as one might think. You might have some ho's like myself, who believe taking the edge off and sowing your oats is by far the way to live. Or...you may come across the other 80% of females who hold back the vag like a park ranger holding a baby bald eagle still getting its peach fuzz.

COME ON! There is nothing more annoying and aggravating then somebody who won't give it up after three dates. Your pussy is not that fucking magical. This isn't fucking Disney. Get over yourself or come out of the closet already. Don't be scared babygirl, that is what a condom and Gardasil is for.

Guys...if a gal hasn't given it up after three dates, then it shouldn't worry you to move on, because...if you follow any of my advice, you would be taking the edge off with another girl later that night anyway.

Ladies...always assume that a guy you are newly dating is most likely seeing somebody else. Would you want to be with a dude that isn't in demand? Stop thinking you are the only woman with a warm wet hole.

First...you must tame the kitty before she will play with your balls of yarn. The Cat is like any other animal, it respects confidence but as soon as you show weakness...it will leave you with a $200 bar tab and cold lonely bed.

Always play the confident card. Donald Draper wasn't a character created out of thin air. Women love a man who will hold their head high and doesn't immediately come crawling. Donald Draper is like a patient sniper, he knows when to take THE shot. Be the man that makes a girl wait for a glance, and maybe a smile. Don't be a stalker and stare at her while you lick your hair-lip. Don't try to pet her...until she comes to you.

Once the kittycat brushes up against you, because she will, act surprised, cool, and turned on all at the same time. Women want to feel sexy...and showing them you are flattered and excited by their appearance (in a non-sex offender fashion) is the key to the golden fleece.

If you are lucky and suave enough for her to stick around...don't be cocky. There are millions of sausages in the butcher shop. Stop, Look, and Listen. This is an age old sales tip...that actually still works today, even in dating. People love to talk about themselves. Ask as many questions as you possibly can, and always dig deeper. You must act interested in her college stories and love for wine. Keep your eye on the prize and the cat will come a callin.

Yes, she is very interesting, but not as interesting as how the other felines in the room are perceiving you. She might not be the one coming for the catnip, but all of the sudden the doors have been open. As soon as you talk to a good looking girl in the room, all the others want to know what you have packin. Seem interested, without being affectionate, you never know if her best friend is better looking.

Women...just like men enjoy the hunt.

Stop, Look, and Listen. Keep your eye on the room and the prize...the catnip in your pocket is confidence and awareness...use it.

Lets see if you can make that kitty purrr.

Now take a shot of whiskey, and wet that cigar.

No shopping for cucumbers in sweat pants!

I love living in the Northwest, don't get me wrong. But us motherfuckers are almost as bad as people from Cloquet Minnesota. (First, Last, and Only time I'll be visiting). Where I might add...I saw a dude changing his ugly baby's shitty diaper on a Wendy's fast food table, which most likely wasn't his kid considering how ghetto ass his ugly sweat pants wearing...at two o'clock on a Saturday....baby mama was. Yikes.

It is not that hard to take an extra 15 minutes, maybe 5 for me, to throw something on to be socially presentable. Who decided that sweat pants were even a good enough for the gym?

LOOK GOOD at the gym!

Christ! Do you know how many single people go to the fucking gym? I am not saying be like some of my friends and put on eyeliner and curl your hair before you walk in, but be aware at all times of your assets and liabilities.

Asset: Juicy ass in tight running shorts or BLACK yoga pants.

Liability: Big ugly forehead with bangs pulled back in a french braid. EEwww!

This is a big pet peeve for me. I do not understand why a lot of woman and some men go in public looking like they are a manager for an Estacada mobile home park. Really? Scrunchies and headbands were out as a stylish accessory over 20 years ago! I am the first to admit that I wear that shit at bedtime...but I will take the time to look good at Trader Joe's.

Throw on one coat of mascara, a half ass blow dry, and an ass hugging pair of jeans. A "6" in hot tight jeans and make up beats out an "8" in sweatpants and bed head. Hot dudes buy frozen food too, maybe wear a thin t-shirt and no bra....at least you aren't going in your pajamas! With the number of ugly folks running errands...a little polish and shine goes a long way...maybe all the way...if you are lucky! Do your part to stand out...whatever that is. You aren't always going to meet somebody at the bar when you are all dolled up! You could fucking meet somebody at the damn post office. Those lines are long and who is to say sparks can't fly? Haven't you ever read Craigslist? Seriously...how many people have missed connections at Starbucks...unbelievable!

I know that I am far from old fashion, but the days of woman looking hot at all times and dudes smelling good even at bedtime...are NOT over. If you are in a relationship or married, don't fucking come home and put your banana clip and zit cream on right away, try not looking like Tonya Harding until right before bed time. Your partner should always feel like they are lucky when they look over at you, even if you want to throw a hubcap at them.

Single ladies...gloss those lips and pull your jugs out! I know we have those days where we wake up late...and have dark circles. Take the fucking time to look hot. I am sick of seeing ugly ass bitches every where I go in Oregon! Who is your boss going to be more forgiving to? The dumb bitch arriving on time in wet hair? Or the hot chick arriving late? You never know when you will bump into somebody with potential. When you are getting ready in the morning...always think...I could meet my future ex husband or ex wife today.

Be charismatic! Guys....smile and tip the hot Barista at Starbucks...Girls...flirt and smile at guy at the dog park...even if his dog isn't as cute as yours. Always be ON...as if you were selling yourself, because you are. The dorky millionaire....may just be the one you smile at.

Always be nice, but still stick up for yourself. Kill everybody with kindness, until they ask you on a date. That is for another blog...another game, and another reason to take the edge off.

Now...throw those sweat pants away...and while you aren't wearing pants...masturbate already! I think that calls for a shot of whiskey!

Get it while the gettin's good...

I think there are too many reasons for people to feel bad about getting laid.

WTF! Wherever we came from...God...Science...God and Science like little Suri. We were given an O-Face for a reason. Not all living things have this ability...and we should take advantage! It doesn't matter if you are straight, gay, or even in need of a safe word...people should enjoy sex. Everybody is different, but having one bad sex partner for too long, is like believing Dave Matthews is a good band.

Growing up...my parents always used to say sow your oats! So many people I know haven't given themselves the opportunity to find out who they really are. I'm not just talking about sex, I am talking about finding out what makes you happy. Some people don't want to be in a committed relationship. That is okay. Some people are happy fucking stranger after stranger and traveling the country spreading their seed. That is okay. Some people think they are going to get fucking married to every person they get along with in the bar...this is NOT okay! SOW YOUR OATS!

It doesn't matter how old or young you are...what matters is your experience and learning what a few key things that you cannot live without and a few key things you will NOT live with. It is NOT okay to be selective when you just accepted a free drink and are sitting on some dudes lap...but it is okay to be selective when trying to find somebody to be in a relationship with.

Look...stop thinking that every fucking person you meet in a bar is the "one". This again causes you to give off your needy vibe and you forget that there could be other prospects sitting right next to you. Stop worrying about meeting the "one"...and start having sex with more than one! TAKE THE EDGE OFF! A lot of people meet somebody they really enjoy when they are enjoying someone else.

I am not asking people to go out and be Lemmy from Motorhead...although he is a legend...but not everybody can sex with over 3000 people and still be alive. I am saying...have a good time being single. Stop obsessing over your last breakup. Stop wondering why the last one didn't call...and be that person. Stop calling...stop obsessing...and STOP fucking being so goddamn nice. I promise when you start thinking about getting laid and having fun...you will meet somebody you like along the way. Don't always worry if you will be happy and in a relationship. Be happy with who you are now....and having fun...because life is too short . Get it while the gettin' is good...whatever that means to you.

Someday you will look back and be glad you did.

Now go have a shot of whiskey and pick up a playboy.

keep your elbows off the table....

Blog Two...I can't believe I continued...

So to be hipster fair...I will be my normal asshole self, and say it like it is. My pimp cousin...(he is a Barnes) told me my first blog was too girly...I didn't think from the male perspective. Maybe he is right...I am not a male...I do not have balls or even hermi-balls, but...as he will even tell you...I still believe I am a good judge of the male dating perspective.

Men...if you want to get a date, want a second, third, or fourth date, a relationship, or most of all...if you want to get laid, have some fucking manners. Yes, this coming from a girl who can't help but burp as loud as possible and is always Captain inappropriate as my friends call me. But...then again...I have boobs...nuff said.

When you are on a date...for GOD SAKE have some table manners...and not only that...be a gentleman. Living in Portland is awesome. It is one of the best cities in the U.S...and everybody is so jealous when I am out of town and tell them I am from Portland. But dating in Portland for women....is like going to Disneyland and the only Disney character that is there is not a prince...but the french chef from the little mermaid who gets off on cutting the heads off fish.

First...if you can get a lady to even go out with you in the first place skip the rest, read my last line, and then come back. For those of you who believe you can get a girl to go in a public place with you...open the freaking door, maybe stand up when she uses the ladies room, or heaven for bid buy her one cocktail. I know what most men think...."she is independent and I wouldn't want to insult her". That is a fucking joke....and we all know it. I know several feminists who still believe in raising men to treat a woman like a lady. When your Mom used to ask you to hold the door open for a woman at the grocery store, or close your mouth when you chew...yeah...those things don't go away after you leave home.

I know it sounds old school...but being treated like a lady is simple with big rewards. On the flip side...don't be overally obsessive. You tell a dorky guy to be a gentleman...and they go over board. Treat a woman like a lady while being borderline cocky at the same time. It is like you have been that way your whole life. When she says "Thank You!" in much surprise...act like it is no big thing...almost like she is crazy for saying so.

Manners are great and all...but what about the conversation?

Let me tell you something...no matter if you are on a first date, second , relationship, etc...always have confidence. Another tradition that has been forgotten. I am not saying be a prick from Jersey Shore.. I am saying...be proud of yourself. With the economy, unemployment, and just the nature of this damn country...it is hard to be proud of what you do. Most woman (I will talk about the other woman at a later blog) don't give a shit how much you make, it is how much confidence and enthusiasm you have about your job and yourself. Woman want to be proud of who they date or are in a relationship with, and they want that man to also be proud of himself. If you pump gas for a living...by god you better be telling that bitch you are going out with that you love your job because of XYZ...and you have some fucking killer hobbies. Have SOMETHING you are proud of to talk about. Currently over 40% of woman make more than the man they are dating. We aren't expecting Donald Draper or Donald Trump...we are looking for somebody who is motivated and enthusiastic. Money is a benefit...not a requirement.

Last but not least...my final gift to Portland men : The prettiest girl in the room, isn't being talked to. Most guys are too scared to have direct conversation with the 9's and 10's of the world. But...I can be 95% sure...if you actually tried to talk to her...it would leave an impression. I am not saying you will get a date, that is up to your confidence and manners.

Day One....my very first blog.

Like a million people before me...this is my first blog post. Bare with me as I struggle to join in on this orgy of fingers strokes. I was inspired by a client and some friends today to begin to write my knowledge of being a man in a woman's body. I know this sounds stupid...and yes I am straight...but I have the ability to see things from a man's eyes. It all starts with a quick background of my family history. I grew up with a single Dad....and lets just say he was pretty much a pimp in his day. That stemmed from my Grandfather...who was also a single dad...and always made sure his Grandchildren read every playboy possible...it was to inspire us to be or love beautiful grooming women...but inspired me to read the articles as well as look at bush.

So that brings me to my new blogging adventure...I want to blog and help others learn how to date or get a date.

Being a woman...I will not favor one sex or the other...I believe I understand women just as much as men.

My inspiration for today was at lunch. A lovely and overly outgoing friend of mine...shocking we are friends...was discussing a new date she went on. This was the first date...and she was already talking about him every other sentence. My other friends and I began to tease her. It was obvious she was excited about this "good-lookin' fella" as she so describes him...but to me...it raised a red flag.

Ladies...it is okay to discuss your new dates and how exciting they can be. Just be careful it is only to your friends and you still maintain your poker face when on dates. This is my new term...put your date face on. Always appear SEMI interested and make them curious as to how much you enjoy their company. Most men like challenge...but a little flirting to keep them around for a second date and to pay the bill doesn't hurt. If you are from Portland...good luck getting the bastard to pay the bill.

I told my friend that she needed to stop talking about him...and immediately find another guy to go out with to "Take the edge off" one of my most famous quotes. I believe...with much research "under" my belt...that taking the edge off is like playing hard to get...and you don't even know you are doing it. Staying distracted keeps your from focusing on just one crush...which a lot of people tend to do. Just because you have a crush...doesn't mean they are good for you.

Like I said...this is my very first blog...please give me more time before you yank my chain.

Ladies and Gents...I promise to bring my wisdom...passed on from my Grandfather...and maybe my Great Grandfather.

Cheers!

No go have whiskey and cigar.

(whiskey makes a man out of you...no matter what sex you are)