Wednesday, January 27, 2010

keep your elbows off the table....

Blog Two...I can't believe I continued...

So to be hipster fair...I will be my normal asshole self, and say it like it is. My pimp cousin...(he is a Barnes) told me my first blog was too girly...I didn't think from the male perspective. Maybe he is right...I am not a male...I do not have balls or even hermi-balls, he will even tell you...I still believe I am a good judge of the male dating perspective.

Men...if you want to get a date, want a second, third, or fourth date, a relationship, or most of all...if you want to get laid, have some fucking manners. Yes, this coming from a girl who can't help but burp as loud as possible and is always Captain inappropriate as my friends call me. But...then again...I have boobs...nuff said.

When you are on a date...for GOD SAKE have some table manners...and not only a gentleman. Living in Portland is awesome. It is one of the best cities in the U.S...and everybody is so jealous when I am out of town and tell them I am from Portland. But dating in Portland for like going to Disneyland and the only Disney character that is there is not a prince...but the french chef from the little mermaid who gets off on cutting the heads off fish.

First...if you can get a lady to even go out with you in the first place skip the rest, read my last line, and then come back. For those of you who believe you can get a girl to go in a public place with the freaking door, maybe stand up when she uses the ladies room, or heaven for bid buy her one cocktail. I know what most men think...."she is independent and I wouldn't want to insult her". That is a fucking joke....and we all know it. I know several feminists who still believe in raising men to treat a woman like a lady. When your Mom used to ask you to hold the door open for a woman at the grocery store, or close your mouth when you chew...yeah...those things don't go away after you leave home.

I know it sounds old school...but being treated like a lady is simple with big rewards. On the flip side...don't be overally obsessive. You tell a dorky guy to be a gentleman...and they go over board. Treat a woman like a lady while being borderline cocky at the same time. It is like you have been that way your whole life. When she says "Thank You!" in much surprise...act like it is no big thing...almost like she is crazy for saying so.

Manners are great and all...but what about the conversation?

Let me tell you matter if you are on a first date, second , relationship, etc...always have confidence. Another tradition that has been forgotten. I am not saying be a prick from Jersey Shore.. I am proud of yourself. With the economy, unemployment, and just the nature of this damn is hard to be proud of what you do. Most woman (I will talk about the other woman at a later blog) don't give a shit how much you make, it is how much confidence and enthusiasm you have about your job and yourself. Woman want to be proud of who they date or are in a relationship with, and they want that man to also be proud of himself. If you pump gas for a god you better be telling that bitch you are going out with that you love your job because of XYZ...and you have some fucking killer hobbies. Have SOMETHING you are proud of to talk about. Currently over 40% of woman make more than the man they are dating. We aren't expecting Donald Draper or Donald Trump...we are looking for somebody who is motivated and enthusiastic. Money is a benefit...not a requirement.

Last but not final gift to Portland men : The prettiest girl in the room, isn't being talked to. Most guys are too scared to have direct conversation with the 9's and 10's of the world. But...I can be 95% sure...if you actually tried to talk to would leave an impression. I am not saying you will get a date, that is up to your confidence and manners.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Day very first blog.

Like a million people before me...this is my first blog post. Bare with me as I struggle to join in on this orgy of fingers strokes. I was inspired by a client and some friends today to begin to write my knowledge of being a man in a woman's body. I know this sounds stupid...and yes I am straight...but I have the ability to see things from a man's eyes. It all starts with a quick background of my family history. I grew up with a single Dad....and lets just say he was pretty much a pimp in his day. That stemmed from my Grandfather...who was also a single dad...and always made sure his Grandchildren read every playboy was to inspire us to be or love beautiful grooming women...but inspired me to read the articles as well as look at bush.

So that brings me to my new blogging adventure...I want to blog and help others learn how to date or get a date.

Being a woman...I will not favor one sex or the other...I believe I understand women just as much as men.

My inspiration for today was at lunch. A lovely and overly outgoing friend of mine...shocking we are friends...was discussing a new date she went on. This was the first date...and she was already talking about him every other sentence. My other friends and I began to tease her. It was obvious she was excited about this "good-lookin' fella" as she so describes him...but to raised a red flag. is okay to discuss your new dates and how exciting they can be. Just be careful it is only to your friends and you still maintain your poker face when on dates. This is my new term...put your date face on. Always appear SEMI interested and make them curious as to how much you enjoy their company. Most men like challenge...but a little flirting to keep them around for a second date and to pay the bill doesn't hurt. If you are from Portland...good luck getting the bastard to pay the bill.

I told my friend that she needed to stop talking about him...and immediately find another guy to go out with to "Take the edge off" one of my most famous quotes. I believe...with much research "under" my belt...that taking the edge off is like playing hard to get...and you don't even know you are doing it. Staying distracted keeps your from focusing on just one crush...which a lot of people tend to do. Just because you have a crush...doesn't mean they are good for you.

Like I said...this is my very first blog...please give me more time before you yank my chain.

Ladies and Gents...I promise to bring my wisdom...passed on from my Grandfather...and maybe my Great Grandfather.


No go have whiskey and cigar.

(whiskey makes a man out of matter what sex you are)