Wednesday, January 27, 2010

keep your elbows off the table....

Blog Two...I can't believe I continued...

So to be hipster fair...I will be my normal asshole self, and say it like it is. My pimp cousin...(he is a Barnes) told me my first blog was too girly...I didn't think from the male perspective. Maybe he is right...I am not a male...I do not have balls or even hermi-balls, he will even tell you...I still believe I am a good judge of the male dating perspective.

Men...if you want to get a date, want a second, third, or fourth date, a relationship, or most of all...if you want to get laid, have some fucking manners. Yes, this coming from a girl who can't help but burp as loud as possible and is always Captain inappropriate as my friends call me. But...then again...I have boobs...nuff said.

When you are on a date...for GOD SAKE have some table manners...and not only a gentleman. Living in Portland is awesome. It is one of the best cities in the U.S...and everybody is so jealous when I am out of town and tell them I am from Portland. But dating in Portland for like going to Disneyland and the only Disney character that is there is not a prince...but the french chef from the little mermaid who gets off on cutting the heads off fish.

First...if you can get a lady to even go out with you in the first place skip the rest, read my last line, and then come back. For those of you who believe you can get a girl to go in a public place with the freaking door, maybe stand up when she uses the ladies room, or heaven for bid buy her one cocktail. I know what most men think...."she is independent and I wouldn't want to insult her". That is a fucking joke....and we all know it. I know several feminists who still believe in raising men to treat a woman like a lady. When your Mom used to ask you to hold the door open for a woman at the grocery store, or close your mouth when you chew...yeah...those things don't go away after you leave home.

I know it sounds old school...but being treated like a lady is simple with big rewards. On the flip side...don't be overally obsessive. You tell a dorky guy to be a gentleman...and they go over board. Treat a woman like a lady while being borderline cocky at the same time. It is like you have been that way your whole life. When she says "Thank You!" in much surprise...act like it is no big thing...almost like she is crazy for saying so.

Manners are great and all...but what about the conversation?

Let me tell you matter if you are on a first date, second , relationship, etc...always have confidence. Another tradition that has been forgotten. I am not saying be a prick from Jersey Shore.. I am proud of yourself. With the economy, unemployment, and just the nature of this damn is hard to be proud of what you do. Most woman (I will talk about the other woman at a later blog) don't give a shit how much you make, it is how much confidence and enthusiasm you have about your job and yourself. Woman want to be proud of who they date or are in a relationship with, and they want that man to also be proud of himself. If you pump gas for a god you better be telling that bitch you are going out with that you love your job because of XYZ...and you have some fucking killer hobbies. Have SOMETHING you are proud of to talk about. Currently over 40% of woman make more than the man they are dating. We aren't expecting Donald Draper or Donald Trump...we are looking for somebody who is motivated and enthusiastic. Money is a benefit...not a requirement.

Last but not final gift to Portland men : The prettiest girl in the room, isn't being talked to. Most guys are too scared to have direct conversation with the 9's and 10's of the world. But...I can be 95% sure...if you actually tried to talk to would leave an impression. I am not saying you will get a date, that is up to your confidence and manners.


Jennifer Melody said...

I think I might be the ONLY one who responds, well, so that okay? I totally agree. I don't think I follow my own advice enough but it's good perspective you have. I'm still pondering whether I should buy a bottle of whiskey instead of wine next time..hmmm. -Hair on the balls.